The Cap and The Hat
by ghostwriter56
Summary: Ever wonder what made Captain Stanley burn McConnikie's hat?


The Cap and The Hat

Author: Ghostwriter 56

Rating: K

Synopsis: Have You ever wondered what really happened behind the burning of Chief McConnikey's hat? It's been driving me nuts, so I came up with my own ridiculous answer to that question.

Lee Martinez walked over to Hank Stanley and gave him a nudge.

"Look, I know this is your first job as an engineer, new station and all, but it'll be fine. You'll like the Cap; he's alright for a captain."

Hank put down the rag he'd been polishing the door of the engine with and leaned his tall thin frame against the door.

"I know it's just that this whole thing happened so fast! I just passed the Engineer's exam two weeks ago and here I am! Didn't even have time for a proper farewell from my previous station. Just came into work one day and my captain hands me my orders. Clean out my locker and here I am!"

Lee smiled at the young man and patted his arm.

"It's happened to the best of us, Hank. One day you're hanging out with the guys you've been family with for a couple of years and then you're off to another station to start over again. Kinda like going from junior high to high school."

"You've got a point there, Lee. Guess I'm the new kid in school and just better get use to it."

"So, where's the new meat, I mean the new engineer?" A booming voice called out from across the bay.

"Huh boy…" Hank muttered.

"Chin up kid, you'll warm up to him." Lee grinned as a short, stout man came around the front of the engine.

"Good grief, I ask for an Engineer and they send me the Jolly Green Giant!" The Captain laughed. "I'm Captain McConnike; I see you've met Martinez here."

"Yes sir. Lee and I went through the academy together." Hank said nervously, looking down at the captain.

"Well, let's go into the office and have a little chat, don't look so nervous, Stanley, I just like to get to know my men. You haven't gotten in trouble yet and for my crew that's a new record!"

Hank followed McConnike to his office, feeling like he was being led to the gas chamber. He hated these 'lets get acquainted' talks. He took a seat next to the desk where the captain opened a file.

"Very impressive record, Hank! Several commendations for valor. Nice to know I have a man on my team who's not afraid to run into a burning building!" McConnike laughed. Hank just smiled. McConnike frowned.

"You'd better laugh at my jokes Hank or you'll be washing dishes for your entire tour here."

Hank looked terrified which made McConnike laugh even harder.

"Geeze Hank, relax! Look, I know you got bumped over here pretty fast and leaving your pals back at your last station is always rough, but don't worry. We'll bring you along just fine. Fact is I've got a big surprise for dinner tonight to welcome you."

"Really? That's not necessary."

"It is at my station. You're gonna cook dinner tonight!"

"Gee, it's kinda short notice…."

"Nonsence! I brought everything you'll need. Martinez will help you and…"

The sound of the bells rang out and the two men jumped from their chairs.

"Let's see how good an engineer you really are!" McConnike grinned as everyone rushed to their vehicles.

It was late afternoon by the time the vehicles rolled back into the apparatus bay.

McConnike looked over to Hank with a satisfied grin.

"You did great Hank; now let's see if you can cook as well as you can run this rig."

Hank followed his captain into the small kitchen area. Martinez came up from behind and stood beside Hank as McConnike went to the fridge.

"You boys are in for a real treat tonight, and I know you'll do me proud Hank."

He turned around a put a large wad of newspaper on the counter. He carefully opened it to reveal several fresh bass fish. Hank recoiled at the sight of them.

"Caught these babies up at Lake Piru yesterday. Good fishing up there…Hank, what's wrong?" Cap said as he turned to see his engineer turning green.

"Cap, Hank has this thing about fish." Martinez said

"What thing? They're fresh as can be!"

"No, you don't understand Cap, Hank has Ichthyophobia." Martinez explained as Hank leaned against the refrigerator, his eyes shut tightly.

"Ichy-who whatie?"

"It's a fear of fish. Look, I've know Hank a long time now and he's had it since he was a kid. He can't look at fish, let alone eat them. I'll cook dinner and I can make something up for Hank." Martinez offered with a smile. Captain McConnike shook his head.

"That's ridiculous! I don't believe in that psycho mumbo-jumbo. Hank, look at me."

Hank turned with trepidation to his new captain. McConnike grabbed his arms and squeezed them tightly.

"Son, I'm gonna help you get over this! A phobia is a state of mind and you're gonna leave that state starting now! Now, first we get the scaling knives and the fillet knives, oh you're gonna love this Hank!" Cap said with great enthusiasm.

The next hour was sheer torture for the young engineer. It was all Hank could do not to throw up or run out of the room screaming. The only thing that kept him going was the fact that this was his first day at the new station and he didn't want to tarnish his stellar record.

The table was set and everyone sat down to eat, except Hank who rushed to the latrine to be sick in private. He was at the sink rinsing his face with cold water when Martinez came in.

"You ok Hank? You don't look so hot."

"I'm not feeling so hot! Can you believe that guy? Even after you told him all that stuff, he still made me…..uuughh!" He shivered.

"Well, Cap wants you to sit down and eat now."

"Fish? I am not eating that slimy, gross…..Lee, he can make me cook it but he can't make me eat it!" Hank paced around the latrine like a caged animal.

"You can always file a complaint with the Chief Engineer." Lee offered.

"Yeah, that's gonna look really good on my record! No, no…there's gotta be a better way to show him how serious I am about this." Hank muttered, wringing his hands nervously as he left the latrine with Martinez. The passed the office and Hank froze as his eyes caught the sight of Captain McConnike's pristine white dress hat on top of the file cabinet. Lee saw the evil glimmer in Hank's eyes.

"No, no, no…Hank, don't do it, man!"

Hank went into the office and grabbed the captain's hat, then calmly walked outside to the back parking lot. He made his way to the outdoor grill and grabbed the canister of lighter fluid and a box of matches and went to stand in the center of the parking lot away from the vehicles.

Martinez followed him in a blind panic.

"Hank! Think of your record! You can get suspended for this! Hank!"

Everyone in the kitchen heard the commotion and ran out to the back just as Hank finished dousing the hat with lighter fluid. He lit the match and dropped the small flame on the hat which burst into a small fire. Hank Stanley stood by proudly and watched it burn while the other firemen stood by in horrid fascination.

When the fire ended, there wasn't much left except a charred band and brim and blackened hardware. McConnike was calm as he walked up to his new engineer and looked down at the sad remains of his hat.

"You do realize I could report you for this." He said calmly.

"You also realize I could report you for making me deal with the fish." Hank answered just as calmly. The two men stared at each other for several moments before McConnike smiled.

"You got guts Stanley, I gotta give you that. Of course there is the matter of buying me a new hat, and I promise no more fish."

"Yes sir." Hank said with a smile.

"Now, clean up this mess." McConnike ordered as he turned and went back inside.

"You handled that pretty cool, Cap." Martinez said walking next to him.

"Well Lee, I believe in Karma. Someday that young man is gonna be a Captain and I'll be his Chief. When that day comes, this little incident is gonna come back to bite him in the butt and that's a promise from an old Irishman."


End file.
